Other ways to agree without going to court

There are other ways to help you agree on child arrangements outside of court. These are sometimes known as ‘non-court dispute resolution’ (NCDR).

NCDR is usually quicker than going to court.

The type you choose will depend on your circumstances. For example your financial situation, where you live and whether you’re in contact with your ex-partner.

You could try:

  • solicitor negotiation
  • collaborative law
  • arbitration
  • neutral evaluation
  • mediation

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve tried mediation before you apply. You can usually get a voucher to pay for family mediation, regardless of what you earn.

A legal adviser can help you decide what type of resolution is suitable for you. They can also tell you how much it costs.

If you’re not in contact with your ex-partner

Solicitor negotiation

If you’re unable to contact your ex-partner or they do not reply to you, you can find a legal adviser to help you negotiate. This is known as ‘solicitor negotiation’ or ‘lawyer negotiation’.

You do not have to speak to your ex-partner if you choose a solicitor to negotiate for you. 

If you’re in contact with your ex-partner

You can still negotiate through a solicitor if you’re in contact with your ex-partner but there are other options available to you.

Collaborative law

You and your ex-partner can each hire your own legal advisers to help you negotiate. You then all meet to try and agree on child arrangements. This is known as ‘collaborative law’.

Find a legal adviser.

Arbitration

Arbitration is when a legal professional (such as a judge, solicitor or barrister) listens to both of your views.

Find an arbitrator on the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators website.

Neutral evaluation

Neutral evaluation can help you and your ex-partner understand how likely it is that you’ll get the child arrangements you want in court. 

A legal professional (such as a family lawyer or judge) will listen to both of your views. They then give their unbiased opinion on what a court might decide. 

Both parents need to attend the neutral evaluation meeting.

It could help you come to an agreement without going to court which could save you time and money.

Neutral evaluation is different to mediation because a mediator cannot tell you what the outcome of your court order might be.

Find a legal adviser to arrange neutral evaluation.

What happens next

If you reach an agreement, you do not need to do anything else. You and your ex-partner can agree to follow what’s been decided.

Ask your solicitor or find a legal adviser if you want to make your agreement legally binding. They’ll draft a consent order. You can then apply to court to ask a judge or magistrate to review and confirm the order.

Get help or advice

You can ask a legal adviser about other types of resolution.

You can also:

  1. Step 1 Get support and advice

    You can get support or counselling to help you through the divorce process.

    1. Get support and advice from Relate
    2. Find a counsellor on Counselling Directory
  2. Step 2 Check if you can get divorced

  3. Step 3 Make arrangements for children, money and property

  4. Step 4 Apply for a divorce

  5. Step 5 Apply for a ‘conditional order’ or ‘decree nisi’

  6. Step 6 Finalise your divorce

  7. Step 7 Report that your circumstances have changed

    You also have to tell other government organisations that you're getting divorced if: